She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
