Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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