there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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