I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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