he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize