he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
