I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
