i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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