the condom got lost in my hair
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
