And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Damn victory sex feels great
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
