First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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