my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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