I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
