I am puke
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
