And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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