I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
ttyl tear gas
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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