It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
