Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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