We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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