Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night

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(718): View more from New York

...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex

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(619): View more from California

he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days

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(740): View more from Ohio

Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?

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(205): View more from Alabama

Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.

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(647): View more from Ontario

The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.

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(912): View more from Georgia

Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness

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(804): View more from Virginia

Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone

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