theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
