It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
