oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
