I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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