I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
