i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
