who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
