I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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