What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
