apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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