I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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