I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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