do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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