my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
