And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
