im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
