then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
