trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
FUCK WHALES
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
