If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
