Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
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