apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
