Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
