you win again, gameday.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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