ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
