that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Enjoy the penises
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
