It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
