I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
