i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
