he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
