Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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