PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
