Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He has the fingertips of a God
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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