We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
