my vag is so smooth its legendary
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
