Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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