She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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