My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
