i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
