My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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