Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
