my sisters under your porch take her home
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
