please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
