So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
