Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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