i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize