Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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