So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I am full of burrito and curiosity
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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