remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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