Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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